Prologue

Little girl,
    with wild
                flower 
             hair.

Paint and dirt and sunshine
      scattered across your face;

       laughter tangled in your dancing feet.

Gazing in anticipation,
               waiting for the first inhalation of daybreak.

           Little boy,
        with
  dew-kissed 
     skin.

Moonlight and starlight 
     sparkling from your eyes;

                  music entwined in your embracing arms.

Staring in wonderment,
              waiting for the last hush of nightfall.

Precious YOU!
    Full of sweet
              possibilities.

Light and dark,
               before and after,
                                  never and always,
            flowing all around you.

Adventure encapsulates your soul.

     We lean in.
            
            And.... 

Remembering

Remembering

When our hearts ache with yearning
for those we’ve left behind

When our eyes burn with the dryness
of too many tears

When our voices fail for all the words
that have already been spoken

When we long for past simplicity
and future contentment

When our steps falter
and our tread is heavy

When every path is beset with
da-gors, demons, and all manner of ‘ware-beasts

When all is lost and every past advantage
has wisped away to nothingness

Do not forget the path that has led us here

Remember the times of beauty

Remember the sounds of joy and ecstasy

Remember the touch of gently fierce passion

Remember the scent of freshly fallen rain

Remember that all those paths have also led you here

From the Land

To sleep

With the silence of death

Until the sun no longer sets

The Patterns flow

Expended evermore

From dusky dawn

To violet moon and

Under the noonday skies

The Mother Stones

Stand their guard

Warding warp and weft

As all that is

Wends and weaves

Together and between

Filling the tapestry with Life

Anxiety

ANXIETY


Standing at a gaping maw
                                    balancing between life
            and certain death

I try and grasp at the little bubbles of breath
      that escape my lungs
hyperventilating-ly gulping like a water deprived fish

                         my
                          heart
                           races
                            towards
                             an always
              receding
finish-line

starting at almost seen, hackle-raising danger

my boundaries sharpen
              to a razor's edge
                and every sound
                          every action
                               every look
                                    by others
                           grates across me
           with soul-infuriating scrapes

Sleep flirts with my mind
but is afraid of commitment
and I am left unsatisfied
unfinished,
spent

I retreat to find sanctuary in solitude

I close my eyes
                         and watch colors flit across the darkness
                         and feel sound caress my ears as music envelopes me
                         and smell the lavender that I have doused myself with

Sleep fitfully snuggles next to me
And later, I awake,
anxiety back in check,
held at bay because
                                             I have things that have to be done
                                             I don't have time for this
                                             I can't let others down
                                             I can't NOT be in control
...
                                          ...

                ...

and continue on
for now

Possibly...

Hold on to possibility

Release and release and release again

Until all that we have 

has been

 transformed into all that we need

Until all that we need becomes all that we have

Plant the seeds of future growth

In the fertile soil of today’s preparation

Be here now

Now be here

Be

Here

Now

Until now is then

Until then is held in the palm of the hands of now

Until all that there is

Is present

Choosing the path that is going the direction travelled

And going the direction the path is travelling

Possibility is the seed of all that is

The seed that encodes the very growth of my future

That holds the heartache

The laughter

The jubilance

The terror

The entire essence of my being

The cusp of the pass

The turning points of good and bad choices

The culmination of

Ecstatic weeping

Desperate rejoicing

And angels dancing on heads of pins

Until there is nothing more to do than gather the fruit of who I am

Harvest the propagations of expectations

That have combined into an amassed silo of Be-ing

To sift through and discover the seeds of possibility

To sow into the future path of forever

Dark Ally

1.25.15
“Darkness can be an ally.” -Chaparral

Dark Ally

I sit atop an open tower cloaked in Darkness.

Deep in my heart is only night,
  fear runs a finger down my spine,
and a shiver moves my soul.

I yearn for light
       but darkness stretches
              as far as I can see.

I open my mouth
to shout a defiant yell.

      Instead,
the darkness
     muffles
 the sound and
      pushes it,
          

 pushes it
     
        back
            down.

I choke on the blackness
  that begins to fill me up.

I consciously pause…

hold the dark in my mouth…

 

                                 refusing to drown.

And suddenly,
  I am aware of a spark on my tongue,

a dark shimmer
 that infuses my being.

 I pull those sparks
      deeper
into my being.

              Absorbing ever more of the darkness,

the darkness carrying silver,

until I can hold no more.

And still,

I push down
    and compress,

                         compress it all,
            to make more room.

Until I realize,
 it needs to come back out 

and I

Explode.

I explode with fireworks of sparking dark,
spreading the Milky Way
  in
     a
        path.

In a path back to the edge of time, where I stand.

I stand atop an open tower,

            throwing off a cloak of Light.

        

I am

I am light, beauty, tranquility, truth.

BUT…

I am also darkness, ugliness, turmoil, deceit.

BUT…

                I am growth, joy, comfort, life.

                                BUT…

                I am also decay, sorrow, pain, death.

                                And…

                                I am anger, fear, sobbing, doubt.

                                BUT…

                                I am also delight, courage, laughter, hope.

I am all that is good, all that is evil, 

                                  all that builds up, all that destroys.

                I stand at the center of paradox,

                                Every day.

                I choose one or the other,

                                                Every moment.

                I contemplate hurt or healing,

                                                                Every breath.

Who I am.

Who I was.

Who I will be.

I am hatred, disgust, scorn, envy, and revenge.

AND…

I am love, sympathy, delight, pleasure, and forgiveness.

I am everything and nothing, the beginning and the end.

I am the seed of endless possibility, 

                                       awaiting the spring rains and warming sun.