Aging

Aging

Fifty
“Age is just a number”

51
A number that denotes a passage of time
52
A passage of time through space
53
Specific space
54
Around a specific star
55
In an agreed upon division of both time and space.
56

“Grow old gracefully”
57
Where “gracefully” means attractively and elegantly
58
Where brawn is more important that brain
59
…smooth away wrinkles and fine lines
60
…hide your grey
61
…try to look 10 years younger
62


“Growing old is not growing up”
63
And “youth is wasted on the young”
64
Yet we race to stay young
65
As our bodies slide towards oblivion
66


I still wonder at the Universe
67
And think I can move mountains
68
So don’t tell me I can’t and shouldn’t and ought not to
69
Because I will and I can and yes I should
70


“Today is the oldest you’ve ever been…
71
…and the youngest you’ll ever be again.”
72
Some old person said that,
73
At some point in the past
74
Eleanor Roosevelt, I believe.
75
But well before my time
76


So I stand at the intersection
77
of Life and of Death
78
of Youth and of Old Age

70-NINE
..aaannddd
80
Ready or not…
Here I come
Still looking for home base
So I can be Safe.
.
.
.
Olly olly oxen free
Found you!
You’re It!
Let's play again.

1
New life caught in an inhalation of Be-ing
2
No peeking!

Three

Infinity

 11.17.17

Tree of Light
   Tree of Dark

A crimson bull impales me upon his black horns

I watch as my life force drains away

I am washed away by the sea and the sea washes back 
         as me

light fades

darkness grows

and I dwindle 

    to an infinite point 

            of brilliant nothing

I let go of myself 
    and bid

        farewell

to all I was

all I hoped to be

all I could never be

And infinite darkness
                extinguishes
my point of light

And in the vast emptiness 
of time
and
space

I am all.

I am everything.

I am nothing.

                            And my pattern fills the void

as much as the void has overwhelmed me

I am not alone.

I am surrounded

                by me.

All I have ever been.

All I was meant to be.

All of infinity.

    

                    And I wash up on the shore,

            broken,

        complete,

                Everything,

                                    nothing.

As my ancestors
                    and descendants

                        watch

across time

and

space.

And I join with them
    as they join with me,
until we

                        mobius strip 

into each other.

        and all that is around us

                        becomes us.

            And we become all.

We become one.

       

I am

I am light, beauty, tranquility, truth.

BUT…

I am also darkness, ugliness, turmoil, deceit.

BUT…

                I am growth, joy, comfort, life.

                                BUT…

                I am also decay, sorrow, pain, death.

                                And…

                                I am anger, fear, sobbing, doubt.

                                BUT…

                                I am also delight, courage, laughter, hope.

I am all that is good, all that is evil, 

                                  all that builds up, all that destroys.

                I stand at the center of paradox,

                                Every day.

                I choose one or the other,

                                                Every moment.

                I contemplate hurt or healing,

                                                                Every breath.

Who I am.

Who I was.

Who I will be.

I am hatred, disgust, scorn, envy, and revenge.

AND…

I am love, sympathy, delight, pleasure, and forgiveness.

I am everything and nothing, the beginning and the end.

I am the seed of endless possibility, 

                                       awaiting the spring rains and warming sun.

Creation

The Space You Hold

Contains more than just you.

The space you hold

Encompasses width, height, death, birth.

The space you hold reaches to the end of the galaxy,

The edge of the Universe,

The innermost reaches of the soul.

The space you hold

Brings light to darkness,

A flow of equilibrium,

A quantum sense to the macro,

A macro view to the quantum.

The space you hold

Flies dragons to the moon,

Sees beyond the veil,

Sings up the rising sun,

Dances in the north wind,

Howls with the coyotes,

Kisses rainbows,

Tastes snow-capped mountains,

Runs across oceans,

Swims in unknown stars,

Holds a newborn baby with the gentle caress of the very first snowflake.

The space you hold

Is the space I reside in.

The space you dwell in,

Is the space I hold.

Because the space I hold,

Contains more than just me.

The space I hold

Circles back to where you are.

The space I hold

Explores the depths of my being,

Reaches for the stars,

Delights in the journey.

The space I hold

Looks to the future,

Regards the past,

Stands in place,

While touching every point in time.

The space I hold

Flies beneath the sands,

Flows above the southern lights,

Wraps up in the cherry blossoms,

Plays amongst the flames,

Cries into the hollow spaces,

Breathes in the summer rains,

Spins between the tumbling notes of a golden symphony,

Listens to the breath of a butterfly.

The space I hold,

Is the space you hold,

Is the space you hold,

Is the space I hold.

I hold my space,

And enmesh with the space you hold,

And we hold space,

For all that is.

Them Bones

I stand in my skeletal state
Letting your rage roar through me
It scrapes across the bones of my rib-cage
Rattling through the space where my heart would be
Grasping at my xiphoid process
Wailing through my scapula
And screaming between my vertebrae

I look at you standing in your skeletal state
Snarling at the universe
Defiantly demanding what you claim you are due
Grasping, clutching, straining for something to reflesh your bones

I stand in my fully fleshed Be-ing
Watching you gnash on the scraps you've left behind but refuse to walk away from
My heart aches in sorrow at your pain
My lungs strain for breath, to voice guidance that I would willingly give
But, you reject any other reality except for the one you have chosen
And lash out in unmitigated revenge for pain meted out to you

And I stand, again, in the bones of my Be-ing
And I stand, again, in the frame of my essence
And I weep at the tragic hilarity of the fury
That sluices past me

Hoping for the day that you are able to rise again from your death
Praying for the night your bones tire of shrieking in marrow-deep wretchedness
Standing for the time you step out of yourself to truly Be.

Breathing

Breathing

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

One.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

Two.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

Three.

   Breath after breath
       put end to end
          strung together, one after another

a chronic chain breather

filling each moment

    consciously unconsciously           
    structure                      

              chaos                                                           

breath                     

until the last bit of air is drawn in

                                        until life is exhaled

                                                                   until a lifetime is fulfilled

Three.

Two.

One.

"untitled" 8.29.11, 11:18p.m.

When death is imminent
and darkness looms
We can let go and face
    the night with adventure in our hearts
with light inside our soul

When misery floods
    our very gates
and despair howls on our doorstep
We will stand with laughter on our lips
       a song within our eyes

People will see this
  and some will say,
"That gives me hope,
     to go on another day."

Others will look and declare,
  "What the FUCK are they on?"

Still others will understand
    and join in the adventure
the light, the laughter,
         the song

in a show of solidarity
    to the
indomitable human spirit
that drives us to go on