Infinity

 11.17.17

Tree of Light
   Tree of Dark

A crimson bull impales me upon his black horns

I watch as my life force drains away

I am washed away by the sea and the sea washes back 
         as me

light fades

darkness grows

and I dwindle 

    to an infinite point 

            of brilliant nothing

I let go of myself 
    and bid

        farewell

to all I was

all I hoped to be

all I could never be

And infinite darkness
                extinguishes
my point of light

And in the vast emptiness 
of time
and
space

I am all.

I am everything.

I am nothing.

                            And my pattern fills the void

as much as the void has overwhelmed me

I am not alone.

I am surrounded

                by me.

All I have ever been.

All I was meant to be.

All of infinity.

    

                    And I wash up on the shore,

            broken,

        complete,

                Everything,

                                    nothing.

As my ancestors
                    and descendants

                        watch

across time

and

space.

And I join with them
    as they join with me,
until we

                        mobius strip 

into each other.

        and all that is around us

                        becomes us.

            And we become all.

We become one.

       

darkness

embraced by inner darkness
I warm myself by the last ember
of light

                          fear circles my soul
like starving wild animals
                 as my soul cries out for solace
                                                 craving peace
                                                     desiring love
                                                       hoping for connection

                                          love

                            hope


how does "afraid of the dark"
                 work
when the darkness has settled
          in ones
                        heart

how does darkness
change
who I am
who I was
who I will be
...who I am

how does darkness
change
once I embrace it
after I integrate it into my being

when I stop hiding from it

how do I

change

who was

where
I 

am

how do I
change

where I was

when
I

am

here

shadows wisp around my feet
grasping at the edges of my psyche
tickling the hems of my mind

                     looking for fuel

to burst into a raging fire
                               filling my mind with terrifying
                    anxious
                    mind-buzzing


    trepidation


The wards
              set centuries ago
tremble
       and waver
    and crumble

they were placed
in fear
and cannot

truly

hold back the onslaught

      of

what is right
what is sacred
what is holy
...what is right

      Releasing that which no longer serves
Setting free what doesn't work
           Relinquishing my death grip on what isn't providing
                              isn't useful
                                          doesn't sustain
Allowing it to flow
          to where it would go
             to connect to its purpose

So I can call in mine

Prologue

Little girl,
    with wild
                flower 
             hair.

Paint and dirt and sunshine
      scattered across your face;

       laughter tangled in your dancing feet.

Gazing in anticipation,
               waiting for the first inhalation of daybreak.

           Little boy,
        with
  dew-kissed 
     skin.

Moonlight and starlight 
     sparkling from your eyes;

                  music entwined in your embracing arms.

Staring in wonderment,
              waiting for the last hush of nightfall.

Precious YOU!
    Full of sweet
              possibilities.

Light and dark,
               before and after,
                                  never and always,
            flowing all around you.

Adventure encapsulates your soul.

     We lean in.
            
            And.... 

Dark Ally

1.25.15
“Darkness can be an ally.” -Chaparral

Dark Ally

I sit atop an open tower cloaked in Darkness.

Deep in my heart is only night,
  fear runs a finger down my spine,
and a shiver moves my soul.

I yearn for light
       but darkness stretches
              as far as I can see.

I open my mouth
to shout a defiant yell.

      Instead,
the darkness
     muffles
 the sound and
      pushes it,
          

 pushes it
     
        back
            down.

I choke on the blackness
  that begins to fill me up.

I consciously pause…

hold the dark in my mouth…

 

                                 refusing to drown.

And suddenly,
  I am aware of a spark on my tongue,

a dark shimmer
 that infuses my being.

 I pull those sparks
      deeper
into my being.

              Absorbing ever more of the darkness,

the darkness carrying silver,

until I can hold no more.

And still,

I push down
    and compress,

                         compress it all,
            to make more room.

Until I realize,
 it needs to come back out 

and I

Explode.

I explode with fireworks of sparking dark,
spreading the Milky Way
  in
     a
        path.

In a path back to the edge of time, where I stand.

I stand atop an open tower,

            throwing off a cloak of Light.

        

I am

I am light, beauty, tranquility, truth.

BUT…

I am also darkness, ugliness, turmoil, deceit.

BUT…

                I am growth, joy, comfort, life.

                                BUT…

                I am also decay, sorrow, pain, death.

                                And…

                                I am anger, fear, sobbing, doubt.

                                BUT…

                                I am also delight, courage, laughter, hope.

I am all that is good, all that is evil, 

                                  all that builds up, all that destroys.

                I stand at the center of paradox,

                                Every day.

                I choose one or the other,

                                                Every moment.

                I contemplate hurt or healing,

                                                                Every breath.

Who I am.

Who I was.

Who I will be.

I am hatred, disgust, scorn, envy, and revenge.

AND…

I am love, sympathy, delight, pleasure, and forgiveness.

I am everything and nothing, the beginning and the end.

I am the seed of endless possibility, 

                                       awaiting the spring rains and warming sun.

Darkness & Light

Letting you see
the darkness that is me
in the midst of the light

Letting me be
the possibility
as I stand within the night

Lightness flows
and darkness flares
igniting the fulcrum of life

I run from the center of me
Until I realize I've run back to me
and embrace the darkness
that I cannot escape

I run to the center of me
And discover the light
held in my darkness
and I see
me

Life & Death

I close my eyes
but cannot sleep
death stalks my every turn

If I fall asleep, could I not wake up?
If sleep captures me, could it hold me in its embrace
until slumber captures my very soul?

I open my eyes
but cannot wake
ghosts haunt my waking hours

If I wake, will I be able to carry on?
If light shakes me to full awareness, will I have to let go of dreams
wisping through the light of day?

I shake my head
to clear the gauzy tendrils
of illusion clinging to my mind

If I don't sleep now, how will I rejuvenate my soul?
If I don't dream now, how will I know when I've attained them?
If I don't wake now, how will I ever expect to make a difference?

If I don't live now, when do I ever truly expect to?

Sentinels of the Night

Ah, bless-ed wing-ed creatures of the night
that lift my dreams
to the starry blankness of the dark
on wings of leathery blackness
until my soul re-emerges to the light

Balance

I am the line between yin & yang

Each piece of me resonates with the sound of the Universe

Be-ing

My spirit cries to be more than I currently am

My soul stands steadfast 

knowing I'm already who I need to be

Breath fills my body

light fills my soul

at the same time that darkness envelopes my being

that causes me to gasp for sustenance 

I taste the glorious sparkle of flight

While lifting each foot against the sucking mire of gravity

Until I achieve 

balance

Until I achieve

While lifting each foot against the sucking mire of gravity

I taste the glorious sparkle of flight

that causes me to gasp for sustenance

at the same time that darkness envelopes my being

light fills my soul

Breath fills my body

knowing I'm already who I need to be

My soul stands steadfast

My spirit cries to be more than I currently am

Be-ing

Each piece of me resonates with the sound of the Universe

I am the line between yin & yang

11.21.12