Anxiety

ANXIETY


Standing at a gaping maw
                                    balancing between life
            and certain death

I try and grasp at the little bubbles of breath
      that escape my lungs
hyperventilating-ly gulping like a water deprived fish

                         my
                          heart
                           races
                            towards
                             an always
              receding
finish-line

starting at almost seen, hackle-raising danger

my boundaries sharpen
              to a razor's edge
                and every sound
                          every action
                               every look
                                    by others
                           grates across me
           with soul-infuriating scrapes

Sleep flirts with my mind
but is afraid of commitment
and I am left unsatisfied
unfinished,
spent

I retreat to find sanctuary in solitude

I close my eyes
                         and watch colors flit across the darkness
                         and feel sound caress my ears as music envelopes me
                         and smell the lavender that I have doused myself with

Sleep fitfully snuggles next to me
And later, I awake,
anxiety back in check,
held at bay because
                                             I have things that have to be done
                                             I don't have time for this
                                             I can't let others down
                                             I can't NOT be in control
...
                                          ...

                ...

and continue on
for now

Breathing

Breathing

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

One.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

Two.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

Three.

   Breath after breath
       put end to end
          strung together, one after another

a chronic chain breather

filling each moment

    consciously unconsciously           
    structure                      

              chaos                                                           

breath                     

until the last bit of air is drawn in

                                        until life is exhaled

                                                                   until a lifetime is fulfilled

Three.

Two.

One.