Seen in Grief

You let me see you, in your grief.

Your nervous defenses lay,

forgotten,

at your feet.

You looked at me,

not in defeat,

without pretense,

with no self-conscious deference.

There was no guile,

no fear,

no worry of being seen.

It was just you,

open,

heart and soul

bared to the elements.

Your spirit cried out 

for connection,

for soothing,

for shared peace.

And yet,

it was without supplication.

It was not demanding.

It was not entitled.

It was just you.

Your strength.

Your determination.

Your beauty.

Your grief.

You.

And in that moment,
I fell in love.

Timeless

 We are  timeless

you and I

from the edge of the universe

to our mitochondrial DNA

everything separate

and yet every point connected to the other

Your inhalation

is my outbreath

our ecstatic sigh

everything

and nothing

and everything in between

When we’re apart

a piece of me is with you

When we’re together

no words need to be said

and yet I have a desire 

      to ask you questions 

           just to hear your voice

               to make you laugh

        just to have you with me

everywhere 

and nowhere

and every point between

until there is no space between us

even when you’re far away

We are  timeless

you and I

darkness

embraced by inner darkness
I warm myself by the last ember
of light

                          fear circles my soul
like starving wild animals
                 as my soul cries out for solace
                                                 craving peace
                                                     desiring love
                                                       hoping for connection

                                          love

                            hope


how does "afraid of the dark"
                 work
when the darkness has settled
          in ones
                        heart

how does darkness
change
who I am
who I was
who I will be
...who I am

how does darkness
change
once I embrace it
after I integrate it into my being

when I stop hiding from it

how do I

change

who was

where
I 

am

how do I
change

where I was

when
I

am

here

shadows wisp around my feet
grasping at the edges of my psyche
tickling the hems of my mind

                     looking for fuel

to burst into a raging fire
                               filling my mind with terrifying
                    anxious
                    mind-buzzing


    trepidation


The wards
              set centuries ago
tremble
       and waver
    and crumble

they were placed
in fear
and cannot

truly

hold back the onslaught

      of

what is right
what is sacred
what is holy
...what is right

      Releasing that which no longer serves
Setting free what doesn't work
           Relinquishing my death grip on what isn't providing
                              isn't useful
                                          doesn't sustain
Allowing it to flow
          to where it would go
             to connect to its purpose

So I can call in mine

I am

I am light, beauty, tranquility, truth.

BUT…

I am also darkness, ugliness, turmoil, deceit.

BUT…

                I am growth, joy, comfort, life.

                                BUT…

                I am also decay, sorrow, pain, death.

                                And…

                                I am anger, fear, sobbing, doubt.

                                BUT…

                                I am also delight, courage, laughter, hope.

I am all that is good, all that is evil, 

                                  all that builds up, all that destroys.

                I stand at the center of paradox,

                                Every day.

                I choose one or the other,

                                                Every moment.

                I contemplate hurt or healing,

                                                                Every breath.

Who I am.

Who I was.

Who I will be.

I am hatred, disgust, scorn, envy, and revenge.

AND…

I am love, sympathy, delight, pleasure, and forgiveness.

I am everything and nothing, the beginning and the end.

I am the seed of endless possibility, 

                                       awaiting the spring rains and warming sun.

Creation

The Space You Hold

Contains more than just you.

The space you hold

Encompasses width, height, death, birth.

The space you hold reaches to the end of the galaxy,

The edge of the Universe,

The innermost reaches of the soul.

The space you hold

Brings light to darkness,

A flow of equilibrium,

A quantum sense to the macro,

A macro view to the quantum.

The space you hold

Flies dragons to the moon,

Sees beyond the veil,

Sings up the rising sun,

Dances in the north wind,

Howls with the coyotes,

Kisses rainbows,

Tastes snow-capped mountains,

Runs across oceans,

Swims in unknown stars,

Holds a newborn baby with the gentle caress of the very first snowflake.

The space you hold

Is the space I reside in.

The space you dwell in,

Is the space I hold.

Because the space I hold,

Contains more than just me.

The space I hold

Circles back to where you are.

The space I hold

Explores the depths of my being,

Reaches for the stars,

Delights in the journey.

The space I hold

Looks to the future,

Regards the past,

Stands in place,

While touching every point in time.

The space I hold

Flies beneath the sands,

Flows above the southern lights,

Wraps up in the cherry blossoms,

Plays amongst the flames,

Cries into the hollow spaces,

Breathes in the summer rains,

Spins between the tumbling notes of a golden symphony,

Listens to the breath of a butterfly.

The space I hold,

Is the space you hold,

Is the space you hold,

Is the space I hold.

I hold my space,

And enmesh with the space you hold,

And we hold space,

For all that is.