ANXIETY
Standing at a gaping maw
balancing between life
and certain death
I try and grasp at the little bubbles of breath
that escape my lungs
hyperventilating-ly gulping like a water deprived fish
my
heart
races
towards
an always
receding
finish-line
starting at almost seen, hackle-raising danger
my boundaries sharpen
to a razor's edge
and every sound
every action
every look
by others
grates across me
with soul-infuriating scrapes
Sleep flirts with my mind
but is afraid of commitment
and I am left unsatisfied
unfinished,
spent
I retreat to find sanctuary in solitude
I close my eyes
and watch colors flit across the darkness
and feel sound caress my ears as music envelopes me
and smell the lavender that I have doused myself with
Sleep fitfully snuggles next to me
And later, I awake,
anxiety back in check,
held at bay because
I have things that have to be done
I don't have time for this
I can't let others down
I can't NOT be in control
...
...
...
and continue on
for now
