Tuesday, February 7, 2023

Threads of Grief


     I hold a tendril of sanity

with hands unsteady

       unsure 

             worrying the frayed edges 

                    with my thoughts

                                anxieties 

                                          what ifs

                                          and 

                    why nots

              and 

                what if I’m wrongs 


The tension of the passers-by

 held in the tightness of their faces

   Their dread

      symptoming into blossoming 

              dis-ease


                     PRESSES


against my ribcage

      squeezing my heart into 

palpitating stillness


My heart shatters 


And my spirit cries into the 

   miasmic howl

       searching

calling

  beseeching 

the Universe 

for release


 I no longer recognize the tendrils that I have gathered

 

while trying to weave some coherent tapestry

        of

            my

                Life


And in those moments


            grief 

            spills

            out


    Sloshing across tenuously crafted knots

                Smearing ink across pages

                     Shrieking through the holes

        adding 

            harmonic counterpoint 

   to my 

        heart-rended cry

           

And all of the threads disperse 

away 

from 

me


                I catch my breath

            in gulping  

guttural 


sobs

   

    One strand glimmers and floats towards me

        a filament of barely-there hope


    I grasp it and

wrap myself 

        around it


 Hoping for reprieve   


The grief subsides and sits once more

the sadness dims and steps to the side


And I begin my thread gathering again

   unsteady 

          unsure 

             

              determined   


I am not in mourning

   but sadness dogs my every step


I am not grieving

  but grief sits next to me every moment



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