darkness

embraced by inner darkness
I warm myself by the last ember
of light

                          fear circles my soul
like starving wild animals
                 as my soul cries out for solace
                                                 craving peace
                                                     desiring love
                                                       hoping for connection

                                          love

                            hope


how does "afraid of the dark"
                 work
when the darkness has settled
          in ones
                        heart

how does darkness
change
who I am
who I was
who I will be
...who I am

how does darkness
change
once I embrace it
after I integrate it into my being

when I stop hiding from it

how do I

change

who was

where
I 

am

how do I
change

where I was

when
I

am

here

shadows wisp around my feet
grasping at the edges of my psyche
tickling the hems of my mind

                     looking for fuel

to burst into a raging fire
                               filling my mind with terrifying
                    anxious
                    mind-buzzing


    trepidation


The wards
              set centuries ago
tremble
       and waver
    and crumble

they were placed
in fear
and cannot

truly

hold back the onslaught

      of

what is right
what is sacred
what is holy
...what is right

      Releasing that which no longer serves
Setting free what doesn't work
           Relinquishing my death grip on what isn't providing
                              isn't useful
                                          doesn't sustain
Allowing it to flow
          to where it would go
             to connect to its purpose

So I can call in mine

Land of Ancestors

Mirages snake across the road

like watery serpents on an asphalt sky

Ancestor spirits

dance in the corner of my eye

Time catches my heels

and pulls me backwards

causing my heartbeat to slow

         to a

                    single

              beat

caught in the loop of

              here

      but not quite

               there

     but almost not

Magma squeezes out

to the lava flow

as blackened rain cinders from the sky

Raven warbles laughter from an all but hidden perch

     as Hawk shrieks to a morning-rising moon

                 Vulture drafts up thermal slides

           Horned Toad reports the status of the weather

and Pronghorn's progress bounds across the landscape

Sun sets in a molten sky

Moon expands her hold across the softening scenery

Sky initiates a celebration with star-laden darkness

Grief

The Earth mourns

Grieving for the loss of what is holy
mourning for the squandering of what is hallowed
agonizing over the disappearance of the sacred

Lamentations blow across the barren landscapes
as the dirt cries out for sustenance
from the dying sky

Eyes dry with unshed tears...
"Every drop is sacred, don't let one drop be lost into the wailing wasteland."

Heartbreak slips through the cracks of the pavement
and rises into the blistering air

The inhabitants who are aware of the anguish
ache to assuage the pain
to end the torment
to heal the gashes that continue to rip asunder

Their keening sobs
pierce to the ends of the Universe
 crying out for justice
    for mitigation
         for reparation

And from the desolation
                rises a new breed
                       lean, strong, resolute
                                     children of the desolation

                carrying in their DNA
                     the seeds of change
    

                                    of regrowth
                                         

the downfall of the defilers

They entwine their hands in the ashes of the misery

They pour their blood

  their sweat     

their tears               

the very essence of their being           

into the wounds crying out for mending       

They reach deep into the soul                  

the core                                      

the unplumbed depths 

of Gaia

And pull forth...

Themselves

Fashioned into a new excalibur

steel Fleshed in the skin of the goddess

warriors Intertwined with nature

Symbiotic beings that reach to the sky

rooted to the core of the planet

across Time

Through space

using the ashes to mark a time of remembrance

as a memorial of contamination 

to never return to

Prologue

Little girl,
    with wild
                flower 
             hair.

Paint and dirt and sunshine
      scattered across your face;

       laughter tangled in your dancing feet.

Gazing in anticipation,
               waiting for the first inhalation of daybreak.

           Little boy,
        with
  dew-kissed 
     skin.

Moonlight and starlight 
     sparkling from your eyes;

                  music entwined in your embracing arms.

Staring in wonderment,
              waiting for the last hush of nightfall.

Precious YOU!
    Full of sweet
              possibilities.

Light and dark,
               before and after,
                                  never and always,
            flowing all around you.

Adventure encapsulates your soul.

     We lean in.
            
            And.... 

Remembering

Remembering

When our hearts ache with yearning
for those we’ve left behind

When our eyes burn with the dryness
of too many tears

When our voices fail for all the words
that have already been spoken

When we long for past simplicity
and future contentment

When our steps falter
and our tread is heavy

When every path is beset with
da-gors, demons, and all manner of ‘ware-beasts

When all is lost and every past advantage
has wisped away to nothingness

Do not forget the path that has led us here

Remember the times of beauty

Remember the sounds of joy and ecstasy

Remember the touch of gently fierce passion

Remember the scent of freshly fallen rain

Remember that all those paths have also led you here

From the Land

To sleep

With the silence of death

Until the sun no longer sets

The Patterns flow

Expended evermore

From dusky dawn

To violet moon and

Under the noonday skies

The Mother Stones

Stand their guard

Warding warp and weft

As all that is

Wends and weaves

Together and between

Filling the tapestry with Life

Anxiety

ANXIETY


Standing at a gaping maw
                                    balancing between life
            and certain death

I try and grasp at the little bubbles of breath
      that escape my lungs
hyperventilating-ly gulping like a water deprived fish

                         my
                          heart
                           races
                            towards
                             an always
              receding
finish-line

starting at almost seen, hackle-raising danger

my boundaries sharpen
              to a razor's edge
                and every sound
                          every action
                               every look
                                    by others
                           grates across me
           with soul-infuriating scrapes

Sleep flirts with my mind
but is afraid of commitment
and I am left unsatisfied
unfinished,
spent

I retreat to find sanctuary in solitude

I close my eyes
                         and watch colors flit across the darkness
                         and feel sound caress my ears as music envelopes me
                         and smell the lavender that I have doused myself with

Sleep fitfully snuggles next to me
And later, I awake,
anxiety back in check,
held at bay because
                                             I have things that have to be done
                                             I don't have time for this
                                             I can't let others down
                                             I can't NOT be in control
...
                                          ...

                ...

and continue on
for now